Apples and Oranges « Ask a Prosecutor

Dear Ask a Prosecutor,
I'm an experienced civil attorney who'd like to get into the criminal defense world. I haven't done any criminal work, at all, ever, and thank god the bar had no criminal essays because I would have failed hard. Any advice on my new career move?

Thanks
Like A Newborn

Dear Like A Newborn,
I can't stress this enough: don't do it. The best case scenario is that you end up committing massive IAC and sending some stupid kid to prison when all he needed was probation. The worst case scenario is that you say the wrong thing and a gangbanger shoots you in the face. But you're probably going to do it anyway, so here are some grudging tips:

Practicing civil law is just like criminal. File as many motions as possible, object to everything, and act like an arrogant douchebag. These traits will result in the judge respecting you and the prosecutor wanting to give you a better deal. Show up for every hearing at 11am. This is especially important if you have a preliminary hearing with more than 10 civilian witnesses. Boast about how you've done 8 trials. When in trial remember that the rules of evidence are merely suggestions. Enjoy not billing hours for once,
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